I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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