I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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