he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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