So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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