It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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