She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
