I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
