Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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