it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize