That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
