I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
