One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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