There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
be right there i have to get my cape
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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