So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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