Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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