she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
