1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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