so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
