I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
