You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In America we eat man semen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
