You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
