Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
