this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
