I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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