Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
