these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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