Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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