she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
