she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
