I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
