you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
