She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
