That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
