i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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