Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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