a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
