Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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