Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
