Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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