What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
