I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
