we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
