Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
