are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just pee around me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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