We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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