So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
