I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
