What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
