Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
