Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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