help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
