I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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