Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
