thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
