Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
