Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
