Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
