1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize