Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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