I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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