I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A bitchslap is in order.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
