Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize