I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
