My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
