Banned from zoo.
Again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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