you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
