God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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