Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
