what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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