when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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