Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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