I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
