I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
