I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
