You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
