this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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