Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
