She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
