girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
