Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
