is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
